Long Distance Lullabies

Tonight I will write

Another silly love song

Sing it once again

Out into the air

Wishing it would somehow reach you there

Cause all I have as an audience

Are the stars and the midnight sky

So tonight I will pretend you're here

Hearing this silly lullaby

That is actually the verse of a song I penned way back in 2011. I was in love with a boy who lived oceans away (okay, maybe just a South-China-Sea away). I didn't know if he felt the same way, though. It was only much later that he expressed his intentions of courting me (very Filipino, I know). And so began our long distance courtship. Which eventually blossomed (18 months later) into a full-fledged long distance relationship.

If you counted the years we were friends from far away, we're well into six years plus of long distance somethings.

I'll tell you one thing. LDRs are not, I repeat, NOT for the fainthearted. If God wasn't part of the equation, my boyfriend and I would have probably broken up by now.

I keep a password-protected blog where I pour out all my LDR-and-all-other-relationship-related rants. When I was single, I spent days dreaming of what it would be like to be in a relationship. Now that I'm in one - well, it's not all flowers and rainbows like I anticipated. 

From the secret blog:

"I don’t get the luxury of enjoying Love’s physical presence on a daily basis. I only see him twice or thrice a year. I only get to hear his voice, see his features online if I’m lucky, once a week - that is when the Internet connection and our schedules cooperate. 

I seem to have only a handful of memories that I can look back to - those times that we are physically together… 

…But I guess the good thing about LDRs is that since those memories are only a handful, you have to treat each one as gold - special, precious the way they should be. 

You can’t let the moment pass by. You have to seize it and make the most of it. You have to live in it and understand that you’ll only get a moment like that after five, six, or seven months again. (Addendum: Thank God it's just seven months maximum for us!)

And you have to use the time that you are apart wisely. Are you going to spend seven months in a sad depressive, pining state? Or are you going to make the most of it, use it so that you are the best, most complete person you can be?”

That's me, writing to a not so sane and level-headed version of myself. It's not always, but I have moments when I can be a wise old sage, giving golden words of wisdom to an emotionally turbulent me.

There are perks of being in an LDR. You're independent. You learn to communicate, you learn to be creative and resourceful (movie date over Skype, anyone?), you learn to value trust and commitment. And of course, you feel that whirlwind of tension and excitement every time you find yourself getting on a flight that will bring you closer to your love again. When you finally get to close the distance in, you'll realize being in an LDR was - is - worth it.

So. I'll be hopping on such a plane tonight. Mental note to self: do not take the next few moments - may they be simply hours or a couple of days - for granted.

Carpe Diem, Mari.